Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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