Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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