Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
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Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
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They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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