I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
