They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize