There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
