I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
