Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
