My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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