Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize