ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize
