Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
