Tell her she can't have a vagina
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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