So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
