so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize