i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
