I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
