NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The power of my boobs compel you
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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