I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
