yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
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