Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
