I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
