I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
