if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
