She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
