Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
