Having a random hookup so left but love u
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
