I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
