both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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