I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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