How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize