Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Dick very happy bro
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
