Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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