Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I could fuck to npr.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
