just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
