the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
