I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
