My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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