just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
