Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
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Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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