I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
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Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
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In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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