3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize