My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
