Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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