Sry I called you an 8
You're so nebulous sometimes
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
