Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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