We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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