her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
