Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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