i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
