I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
