i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
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I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
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I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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