I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
smell my finger.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Even my vagina gasped.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
