Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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