He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
accomplished twins. life is a go
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
