put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
