Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
